As a Matchmaker, Relationship Coach and Author, I often get emails with questions about how to overcome relationship challenges and frustrating dating experiences, and I try to address them directly or through blog posts. Below is a recent question I received. It’s a common question I receive from BBW (big beautiful women), so I thought I’d address this one publicly!


“Thank you for helping. So I am a plus sized, darker skinned woman and I find that I am not receiving the attention I should. Now, I’m not trying to sound cocky, but I just know I’m a beautiful woman. I always hear of men loving big women, but they can sometimes just want to bed you or not be seen with you. I guess I am asking, how can I put myself in a position to where I can meet men who like me for me?”


  1. Practice Self-love – Be who you are and own it! Love comes in all shapes and sizes, so your curves don’t eliminate you from experiencing it. Self-love is the best love and practicing it is the greatest teacher and attraction!
  2. Don’t Assume What He Thinks About You – You get in your own way when you begin to second guess yourself or assume his intentions by playing mind reader! Give him a chance before counting him out! Believe that the RIGHT man will not only want to be intimate with you, but proudly seen with you too!
  1. Change Your Language – How many times have you used negative language to describe yourself? If you want him to have an appreciation for your curves, you have to too! Be bold, embrace your body and begin to speak positively about your self-image to eliminate the critic within and lessen those around you!
  2. Accept That Rejection Is Inevitable – Understand that people get rejected everyday! I’m talking about skinny girls, girls with short hair, long hair, short girls, tall girls, light skin and dark. It’s just apart of life, because EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US has a preference! Know that rejection often has nothing to do with your curves, and it should never stop you from giving yourself a chance at finding real love.
  1. Never Settle – When you lower the bar you lower your value, and that’s just unacceptable! You are worthy of a loving, healthy, and lasting relationship with a man. You’re worthy of respect, admiration and esteem. Settling is only underestimating God’s ability and desire to give you true, authentic love!

Men are attracted to women who are confident and love the skin they’re in! So, if you are big and beautiful, be you and own every bit of those curves…it’s the best position to be in (for yourself) and the best way to attract real love.

As Always,