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I have been dating this guy for almost a year now and for the most part, things are going great! One thing I don’t tell people though is that we began seeing each other while he was in a relationship. In the back of my mind, I always wonder if he’s doing the same thing to me that he did to his ex. Am I thinking too much?

Not everyone’s relationship behavior is based on a pattern. In relationships, there are different experiences and ways in which people are brought together. Not all those ways are “socially” accepted and not all those ways come in a pretty package with a bow on top. What you must be focused on is the connection that the two of you have with one another and the communication between the two of you that allows you both to express concerns, fears and set boundaries. If your mate has not given you any reason to think that he has stepped out of your relationship, then you must trust him that much. Just as he trusts you. Remember this, no one can control the behaviors of another human being. That’s why we were granted the concept of free will. What you can control is your ability to base your judgments and feelings on what you’ve experienced personally. If there is doubt in the back of your mind, you need to try to figure out where that is coming from. Have there been signs that point to inappropriate behaviors? Have there been scenarios that don’t quite add up? Is he being secretive? If none of these are accurate, don’t sabotage something that is good for you. And also recognize, you are worth something good.

I used to never go out on the town with my girlfriends until just recently when I got out of an unhealthy relationship. Well, I’ve been single for about a year now and I can’t tell if I’m missing the comfort of having a boyfriend or if my mind and body is telling me that I wasn’t made to be young, wild, and free?

Honey, not everyone is built for the streets. (laughs) Dating, exploring your single life and living it to the fullest, doesn’t mean that you have to be going out all the time or on the scene in order to be seen. You know what your flow is, you know what your vibrations are, so you can stay within that particular comfort zone. Do not step out of that zone for anybody or anything. Just because “living your best life” doesn’t include the club, doesn’t mean that you’re becoming desperate for a relationship. Everything must run its course and eventually, the partying and the club scene all look the same. On another note, what’s wrong with wanting to be in a relationship? What’s wrong with wanting to have another person to share your time with? Now that you have had time to heal from your last relationship and hopefully grow, you may be ready to explore new options or receive someone who is also in a healthier space. Being open to a relationship doesn’t mean you allow just anybody to come in. Continue to grow, be open and selective.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost ten years. Although we aren’t married, we both know that when the time comes it will come. However, I have to admit, his family isn’t really my kind of people. His mother and I are close, but I get a sense that the rest of the family is pretty disrespectful to me. Sometimes, they don’t even realize they do it, because they do it so often. What can I do? I love him but family is family and he’ll have their backs no matter what.  

When a man finds a woman, he finds a good thing. The fact that the two of you have been together for almost 10-years, shows that you have staying power. That power is a mixture of communication, sexual compatibility, and overall equal values and morals in the ways that you both think. If you feel like his family is disrespecting, you then you need to address it with him. Both of you can then decide the best way to address or handle the situation. Your feelings do matter in this relationship and I don’t care whether they are blood-related or not, any form of disrespect to you is not acceptable. Your mate shouldn’t want or allow any person to disrespect his queen either. Now, if you do speak with him, and he becomes defensive or rationalizes the disrespectful behavior in some way, this is the time for you to think long and hard about your 10-year relationship and the direction that it is going. The relationship and the bond that the two of you create is between you and he and no one should be allowed to disrupt that, no matter who they are. This is not about him having his families back, this is about right and wrong. And a good person, whether they are male or female, knows the difference between the two and should stand up and speak up for what is right.