Like most SZA fans who are suffering withdrawals from her not dropping any music, we continue to bop CTRL and the other singles she’s released. And whenever I hear SZA’s song “20 Something,” I always experience nostalgic thoughts about my earlier years. The lyrics have so much truth to them.  Some people aren’t ready for that transition in life because it can be super depressing. I’ve experienced some tumultuous times in twenty eighteen. It was a consensus that it sucked for everyone. Speaking for myself I took a lot of L’s (losses). My dirty thirty is coming, and the stress is overwhelming.

Society puts so much pressure on us to have certain things. I’m not going to say they’re unattainable, but it’s going to be hell getting them. You’re expected to have a degree, a great career, and be married. Back in the day things might’ve fallen into place, but more often than not, it doesn’t work like that now. Most employers want experience over the degree, or they want both.

In the dating world, it’s a complete nightmare, because most of us are too broke to date, or people forego standards altogether. Dating in real life is hard because this generation is stuck in either the hookup or playhouse phase.  Some people think it’s cute to live together and pay bills with no title. My mother didn’t raise me like that. I came from a two-parent household, and my parents were together until my father passed. Hate to sound preachy, but there is an old saying the elders repeat quite often that makes sense to me now that I’m an adult, “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?” Hooking up gets played out because someone is going to catch feelings, and since it gets old having to learn a person all over again. Why deal with that unnecessary aggravation and add unnecessary miles to yourself (aka partners) if you don’t have to?

Still, my generation is doing a lot to correct generational curses. For instance, we’re going to therapy, which is something most of our parents and especially grandparents wouldn’t have entertained. In addition to this, we work out more, have a better understanding of healthy food, and are more open to changing our parenting habits, so we can interact better with our children. Personally speaking, therapy is something I participated in, but didn’t want to admit to, because it’s a stigma in the black community. Being a black woman, mental health isn’t a topic that is discussed enough at all.

To tell you the truth, getting therapy was a pain in the ass. Having insurance should’ve made it easier. I used, but my insurance wasn’t accepted with most of the providers. Or they only charged cash for their services. There were ways to get your money back but not all of it. This can discourage to people who are trying to find help that they really need, and isn’t health insurance supposed to help with this? I would be remiss not to tell you the hurdles that you might face while you’re on path to happiness. Some companies offer things like Employee Assistance Program, which will pay for a couple of sessions. This is a program you can take part in while you’re on the search for your therapist. The other hurdles you might face is your facility having limited providers.

For me, I was hell-bent on having a black therapist. To some this might seem insignificant, but an old white person can’t relate to me at all. So, it was very important to me that my therapist was a person of color. The thoughts that I’m having aren’t prejudiced ones either, this was scientifically proven that patients do better when people look like them.

Click here to read The Influence of Race and Ethnicity in Clients’ Experiences of Mental Health Treatment

I was already not too keen on seeing a therapist, but having suffered through traumatic events, it was inevitable. A black woman’s struggle can be explained, but in my opinion, it won’t be comprehended unless they’re the same hue as me, given the prejudice we face, life experience, and overall thought process. It took me two months to find a therapist to my liking, but I think it was to be. We are both melainated and had similar life experiences. Between therapy and church, my life has become golden. There is so much clarity in my life, things that used to piss me off, which don’t anymore. I have a lot of appreciation for things that I took for granted, and now I’m super focused on what God has planned for me.

As I come to the end of my twenties, every lyric of Sza’s song is true. I’ve lost friends due to life, or simply because it was their time to join the kingdom. Been dead broke working jobs I hated with a passion. Learned some very costly lessons that were painful as well. But I feel hope now, and hopefully thirty will be a time in which the wisdom I’ve learned will lead to prosperity.


This feature was submitted by KD Williams


KD Williams is an Afrocentric, eclectic, and curvy millennial who wants to change the narrative in media. “Oftentimes minorities are misrepresented in media, and I want to change that,” she says. As Tupac stated: In order to change the world, we must change ourselves. She also enjoys writing about the advancement of her generation, in addition to other relevant subjects within the realms of culture, news, and entertainment.

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