I often encounter people who fear relationships…people who fear putting themselves back out there to date again because they feel they failed so horribly in the past that they couldn’t possibly endure that same level of hurt and disappointment again, intentionally.

Maybe it was a messy divorce, infidelity or just incompatibility, but whatever it is you can’t allow that to paralyze you and make you think you’re undeserving or can’t have successful relationships. You also can’t allow that fear to keep you in your comfort zone of purposeless relationships that are safe and unfulfilling.

If you want a relationship with depth, one that will put you in the deepest fear of thinking maybe you’re not good enough and if you’ re not enough then maybe you  won’t be loved, you have to understand that there is power in positioning. There is power in fear! Use that power to positively shift your mindset. Instead of following your usual instinct of running away from the possibility of true love, use that fear to sharpen your relationship skills, to do the internal work necessary to clean up all the emotional damage blocking you.

You have to change your relationship with failure and look at it as lessons and preparation essential to grow and ready yourself for a fulfilling and purposeful relationship. You have to use your fear of hurt to your advantage and show up as the best you every time so that your desire to get it right doesn’t linger in vain.

In a recent Instagram post I wrote that relationships are the only thing that people don’t master, yet it is the most important skill! You owe it to yourself to be a LEAPER, someone who takes the time to master the art of relationships, someone who is proactive and has meaningful dating experiences, and not a LOOKER, a bystander, someone watching love happen to other people or ignorantly entertaining empty connections.

Don’t condemn yourself to average relationships, shoot for excellence knowing that whatever fear of the past will be used as fuel to do what’s necessary to sustain it!

As Always,