Well, known Social Media influencer and Bestselling Author, Stephan Labossiere is best known as “Stephan Speaks,” joins me to share some valuable information about the controversial topics we all love: DATING! As if dating isn’t already complicated enough it seems, he shines the light on topics like how stigmas of the black community affect dating and interracial dating mishaps – are not only common but commonly swept under the rug. Stephan has led some of the most riveting conversations with men and women nationwide to answer their lingering questions about dating. Now he’s willing to clear up the common misconceptions regarding black men when it comes to dating as well as dating outside of your race and on women giving their man the ultimatum on marriage!
So what inspired you to start spreading helpful information worldwide to individuals about love and having healthy relationships?
It is simply what God led me to do once I started to develop a deeper relationship with God. I will also add that because people always felt comfortable telling me their business and secrets. I have been able to also see the reality many are facing, and how so many people are hurting and struggling with relationships and love.
Has most of your teaching come from your own experiences with relationships? Are you in a relationship now?
Some have, but I don’t base things just off of my experiences. It’s been a culmination of the experiences of people around me, people who come to me for help and just paying attention to society as a whole. However, most of what I teach just comes from my spirit. I just trust what my spirit is telling me, and I speak on it….No I am currently single.
Tell me about your latest book and what readers can expect to grasp from it?
My latest book is “Love After Heartbreak” and they can expect to finally have the blueprint on how to properly heal from past hurt. Hurt from childhood, past relationships, siblings, and anything else that has impacted them. The world lacks healing and this book…when the steps are followed, they have the power to change their lives and break them free from the negative cycles they have been experiencing.
What has this journey of helping others taught you the most about yourself?
My first thought when reading this question is that I’m built for this. I never thought this would be something I would be doing, but I know without a doubt that this is where I belong and what God is calling me to do. After that, I want to say it has taught me that I needed to take better care of myself and has also shown me the balance I was lacking in my life.
What upcoming events or tours do you have?
Currently, I’m on the “You Deserve It Tour,” and you can get tickets for it here!
Outside of teaching and writing, what else can we expect to see you involved in this year or next year?
Honestly probably just more teaching and writing. I’m just expanding my audience and doing more to help people heal and get into the right relationship.
Do you feel the dating scene is a bit more complicated now than it was decades ago?
Honestly not really. I feel we make things more complicated than it needs to be. Also, people aren’t tapping into/accepting what is needed to attract/receive the right person for them. Every individual has choices to make, and with the right approach, dating is nowhere near as difficult and complicated as so many make it.
What are your thoughts about interracial dating?
My thoughts are that I am all about people experiencing a deep and genuine connection. In or out of your race, if the connection is real, then I’m all for it.
How long should a person date before considering marriage and should women give men a set time to marry them?
It’s not about how much time (days, months, etc.). It’s about quality time spent getting to know each other, and if a genuine connection exists. Some people know each other better in 3 weeks than some people do in 3 years. Yes, a woman who desires marriage should not linger in some relationship waiting/hoping for marriage. I do believe in setting a timeline and making things clear. If you have been together 2 years (just an example) and the man says he isn’t sure yet if he wants to marry you, well what is he going to learn in an extra year that you haven’t already shown him in those two years. He knows who you are at that point, he has enough information to come to a decision, so why be obligated to still give to him in a romantic relationship when he still can’t give you the commitment you desire. There is more I can explain here, but ultimately yes, set a time frame and stick to it.
What are some of the common stigmas of dating in the black community & how can we deal with them better?
There are some issues that come to mind, but I’m not sure I would classify them as stigmas of dating. However, I think in general there is a lot of negative energy between black men and black women. As well as a lot of negative energy being held on to within themselves. So ultimately we need more healing, which I believe will correct A LOT of the issues being faced in dating. We have to be willing to hold ourselves accountable for how we contribute to the issues we face, and what we can do to improve them. We have to stop deflecting our shortcomings, and start tapping into our true potential. We also have to stop with the “there aren’t enough good men or good women” mentality, which again stems from brokenness within the individual who thinks like that. There is a lot to discuss and unpack here, but healing is the key to it all.
Get Your Copy of his latest book, “Love After Heartbreak” now by clicking here.
All images provided by Stephan Speaks