Talk about a power couple that makes black love look so good, the Vinson’s are the epitome of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Creating their own “love standard” by never allowing others influence the way they relate and love one another or the fate of their relationship is an impeccable example of what it means to establish strong love, to protect your love….an example of what it means to have real love.
Lakai is the Managing Partner of Vinson Law Offices, PLLC where she specializes in personal injury, traffic, and criminal matters both in the state of North Carolina and Virginia and Kevin is an Information Security Consultant with Lowes’ Corporate Office in Charlotte, North Carolina. Aside from their individual professional success, their greatest achievement is being parents and creating the Vinson legacy. What an honor it is to highlight this couple and not only promote healthy marriages, but black, healthy families as well! Meet the Vinson’s’!
In order to date on purpose you have to…
Kevin: First, you have to have an idea of what you want your marriage to look like. For me, I looked at Cliff and Claire Huxtable. Their relationship was nearly perfect, and I wanted to emulate that. Then you have to actually treat your significant other in a manner in which they’re going to be your husband or wife.
So, I look at dating on purpose as having a vision of who you want to be as far as your marriage is concerned, and adjusting your mindset to respond in that way.
Why did you decide to start dating each other? What was it about him/her?
Kevin: Let me say this first, I feel like it’s a man’s role to start dating the woman. What was it about her? She was very cool to talk to…very laid back. We shared some of the same interests. When I met her initially we talked for over an hour outside in the snow and had a great conversation. But quite frankly, she was pretty. That was my initial attraction. We also had the same belief system, and that was huge! She was just dope to me…
Lakai: There was certainly an initial attraction, but with Kevin there was something different than any of my other relationships. He set an example and he made the relationship so seamless…he was straight forward with how he felt. He didn’t play any games. He pursued me and there was no question if he liked me.
What type of foundation did you set to prepare yourselves for a successful marriage?
Kevin: Losing selfishness is the key. It’s the one thing in our perspective that can creep into infidelity, lying…and that’s any little piece of selfishness, like even saying “my kid” over “our kid” in an argument.
Me and Lakai use to have a “Keep It Real” session and report cards. So, in the Keep It Real session everything was said in love, where we would address how we felt about what the other recently did or said, openly, without there being any “heat” behind it. And the report card would generally address “Where am I right now”, “What do I need to work on?” “What am I good at?” “Areas about me that may be challenging for you that you want me to transform for you.” Based off this system I would tell my boys that I’m pretty much perfect for Lakai because Lakai has built me for Lakai, and vice versa.
After our first argument I decided, as a man, to take control of the situation and set the example of how we were going to set ourselves up for success moving forward by asking these types of things like what are some things that I could have done better, what are some things that you could have done better, and give me two reasons why you love me…tell me why we’re still here. And this works for us!
Date night, how often do you have them?
Kevin: Prior to kids every day was a date night! Once we had our kid, the dynamic shifted. Date night became once a month, and that was fine for us, because there is a void-like feeling being away from her (their daughter), even though we know it’s healthy, she completes our family.
Lakai: The reality is that we just don’t have the ability to get out as often as we did. Because of that fact we have to make sure that we take time even when she goes to bed to spend time with each other or get away when the babysitter is available to watch her for a couple of hours.
With your busy schedules and being parents, is it a struggle to maintain the intimacy?
Kevin: No, I don’t think so!
Lakai: I don’t think it’s a struggle to maintain intimacy so long as you enter the relationship with a sense of selflessness.
What responsibility do you give God for your relationship?
Kevin: I give God responsibility for creating me…he’s my redeemer and my everything! I look to God for wisdom to be a better husband, father and person. However, I don’t necessarily believe God called us to be together. God provided me eyes to be able to see, the affection in my heart to know that she’s a pretty girl, gave me the courage to be able to talk to her. But I feel like it was ultimately my decision. If I have to go to God to ask if somebody is the one for me, and then wait…I could miss the boat. He’s given me the ability to discern that on my own.
Give the readers a few words of wisdom or 3 lessons you’d like to share for someone about to enter or interested in marriage?
- Do things not based on how you feel, but because it’s the right thing to do…because it will make your spouse happy.
- Have a willingness to compromise for the sake of your marriage
- Being willing to apologize even when you don’t feel like you necessarily did something wrong, but because that person is offended. Sometimes you’re apologizing for the way you made someone feel, even though that wasn’t your intention. Kevin taught me that when you do that, the other person will be more willing to admit their faults as well.
- The man should set the precedence of the relationship from day one. When you start off a certain way it’s difficult to back track. Set the standard for how your relationship will run and operate that way as boyfriend and girlfriend, as fiancé and ultimately husband and wife.
I LOVE YOU FOR READING!