“Women need to be able to talk to someone who has been through exactly what they are going through, because you can have all these friends but they really don’t understand your struggle unless they been through it.”
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
According to studies, on a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide! In domestic violence homicides, women are six times more likely to be killed when there is a gun in the house. Many do not get the chance to live to tell their stories or even make it out of the situation.
For those who are survivors, their testimonies are helping to encourage women all over the world to break free of the violence. It is not okay to allow someone to physically or verbally abuse you. It is not considered love when someone puts their hands on you.
We see so many women remain in an abusive situation for years because they are afraid to leave and do not have the proper support from family or friends. It is not easy to walk away when you have become comfortable in the situation regardless of the abuse taking place. Recently I had the pleasure of speaking with a young woman who has survived eleven years of domestic violence!
Toneisha Fair, is a mink lash tech and insurance agent from Gwinnett County Georgia currently providing individual mink lash extension services at Diamond Minks Lash Studio. She grew up in a home of turmoil watching her father physically and mentally abuse her mother. Up until the 7th grade, she witnessed horrific scenes taking place in her own home. Little did she know, she’d later become a victim herself fearing for the safety and shelter over her own life.
Through her experiences she helps daily to encourage women at her salon and in the community to speak out against domestic violence!
By 2010, Toneisha had suffered two years of physical abuse and was suffocating beneath the pain she experienced at home. She then gave birth to her second child with her abuser and the torments of physical abuse slowly transitioned to fewer nights of beatings and day to day agony of mental corruption. A few years later, Toneisha, her abuser and his brother were in a life-threatening car accident causing her to undergo nine surgeries from head to toe.
The mental abuse from her abuser increased during this time, and the road to recovery wasn’t easy but taught her protection. Upon being released from the hospital, Toneisha felt enough was enough and found the courage to stand up to her abuser.
Many women who are in abusive relationships find it hard to detach despite the experience. In your own words why was it hard for you to detach at first?
“Being in a domestic violence relationship is like being on drugs, it’s just as bad as hard cocaine, shooting up drugs, etc. Your mind goes into a sunken place, it reminds me of the movie “Get Out” where you are hypnotized. Abusers hypnotize you and they seek to control your mind first so that they can start hitting on you. Even after I had left I still one foot in that house because that’s what I was used to. That had become my comfort zone, I had been in it for so long that I did not know how to be on my own. I was so sunken that I did not even know how to take care of myself or my child at the time.”
Toneisha Fair’s story of survival displays to women all over the world as she states, “There is life after a domestic violent relationship.” So many women are afraid to detach and walk away, but you have to find the strength to leave, and surround yourself with people who are patient enough with you as you transition, and who are willing to pour into you daily. You need friends who let you know that it is not okay for anyone to put their hands on you whether you are male or female.
If you are currently in a domestic violent relationship please seek help now because you are worth being loved and treated better than where you are.
Visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline now for help, click here!