So, as I am flipping through the channels after watching one of my reality TV obsessions on Sunday night, I stumble upon this television show about couples that are ending their relationships called Untying the Knot. On this show there is an attorney that assists couples in amicably dissolving their marriages and dividing assets. During one of her sessions, she is counseling this couple that has some rather unconventional marriage practices. One half of this couple Mickey “Memphitz” Wright, a well-known figure in the music industry. The other half of this couple is Antonia “Toya” Wright, reality star and author who was once married to one of rap’s biggest artists Lil Wayne. It was discovered during this meeting that Memphitz did not actually want a divorce. After listening to them speak more, one of the reasons he may have wanted to remain married was very clear. Apparently he is allowed eight passes per year that they refer to as “hall passes”.
He further explained that a hall pass gives him the freedom to do whatever he chooses for an entire day and Toya cannot question him or complain about it. Even more than that, he commented that she is not allowed such a pass because she is “the woman in the relationship.”
Needless to say, I had a lot of opinions about what I heard just as most everyone probably would when speaking about such a touchy subject. Those opinions, from what I have seen do vary greatly. Here is my opinion, and this is merely my opinion…….No way! No how!
For me a marriage is a commitment. Commitments are to be taken seriously when the union is meant to be sacred. Not only that, I question whether or not you can give a man a pass to disrespect the relationship without wondering why he does not find you to be enough. And if there is nothing wrong with him having this pass, why can’t she have one too? Double standard? I think so!
Also consider the notion that you give a man (or woman) a pass to cheat and they ONLY cheat on those days. Is that realistic? As the old saying goes, for every rat you see there are probably ten that you don’t.
As the mediation continues on the show, the husband expressed his desire to stay in the marriage while the wife does not immediately express this same sentiment. Coincidence? Probably not. He has his cake at home but snacks on the side as well. He’s in paradise. She, on the other hand, may not be as okay with their agreement as she once was.
Relationships require work. That’s a given. Adding elements such as this one makes it harder. There has to be common respect for the relationship, your partner’s feelings and for those that may be impacted by your decision.
I find it hard to believe that any woman could be in this particular situation and not feel disrespected and undervalued. If one has the desire to have such an open relationship then this needs to be a known fact from minute one. If there is not complete acceptance then this is just a recipe for resentment at some point in the relationship. In my world, however, there’s only room for two people in a relationship and there are no days off.