Sometimes we have to give credit where credit is due! How often have you said things like “I can never find a good guy” or “Good guys just don’t exist anymore!”? Probably more than you could count, right?
As a Matchmaker and Relationship Coach I require each potential client to complete a consultation with me. This consultation really paints the canvas and gives me a good idea of who this person is, they’re current dating challenges and their relationship goals.
I ask questions like “Tell me about the type of person you’d like to meet?” and “What values would you like them to have”? These questions when first asked may seem like a no brainer, but what I’ve found is that outside of surface qualities, many people have not sat down to really think about what’s really important to them in a relationship, and to take it a step further, actually believe that they deserve it without fear of communicating it.
So again, lets give credit where credit is due! The real reason why you’re having trouble finding “good guys” is not that they don’t exist, it’s that you don’t believe you’ll actually get one. And, like a recent client of mine, you’ll begin to dilute your relationship expectations, settle for subpar experiences, waste months and maybe even years with someone in your heart you know you can do better than…all because subconsciously you began to settle and attract men you knew you could easily get (for the sake of having someone) as opposed to holding out for those that you actually deserve.
The reason why answering these types of questions was difficult for my client, is not because she didn’t know what she wanted, but we later discovered it was because she felt like her expectations must have been too great, and that what she desired may be unobtainable since she had yet to experience it. She’d hidden those desires from herself so good and for so long that bringing them up in conversation didn’t even feel natural anymore. So, I challenged her with this:
What you focus on is what you get and what you believe is what you receive!
And from there we began to do the work of transitioning from a spirit of settling to a spirit of expectation.
Have you spent years blaming men, when the wedge could be you? Is there a mindset shift that you need to make? Are you leading with a negative approach and expecting positive results? Are you hoping one day you’ll be able to change him into the man you really want (ignoring the fact that you need to first be in love with his REALITY before ever considering his POTENTIAL). Do you think you can change yourself to be “his type” of girl and align your interests with his to make it work? Do you fear that this is as good as it gets, so you’ve decided to stay in an unmeaningful relationship to avoid being alone? Or, maybe you’re just with a really nice guy who comes from a really nice family and similar background, but there’s no real spark between the two of you, so you’re hoping that one will grow with time?
Sometimes it’s YOU and not him, so here are 7 tips to help you make an immediate shift today and start experiencing results:
- Take time to really think about your relationship expectations: how you want to feel in a relationship, how you want to communicate with your mate, their character, your ultimate relationship goal (like marriage) and what quality time looks like to you.
- Believe that it’s obtainable and that you’re worthy and deserving
- Speak life! Remove all the negative talk and only speak words of affirmation, hope and faith
- Stop blaming others for your relationship failures and take responsibility for your choices
- Only engage with people who support your desires. Period!
- Use your desires and expectations as conversation topics while engaging with potential mates so that you’ll be a better filter and start to trust yourself more
- Create a relationship board so that you have a constant reminder of your goals and what it is you want in a relationship, what you deserve and reasonable predictions of when you’d like to receive it
Don’t allow yourself to be the one thing standing in your way. Let’s get back to passion, excitement and soul mates. Aim for the guy that makes you smile bigger than anyone else and gives you butterflies when only thinking about him. Stop settling and start expecting what your heart truly desires…doing so will not only better your priorities in love, but in life too!
Let’s continue the conversation! Follow me on social media everywhere @DClarkAndCo!
I LOVE YOU FOR READING!!!
Your Favorite Matchmaker,