“Love starts with you loving yourself.”

No one will love you more than when they see you loving yourself. Many times we indirectly tell people how we desire to be loved and treated. I know this first hand. I had a difficult time loving myself growing up. It started from childhood, which is typically where women learn what love is and how love is experienced. At a very young age, I never felt pretty enough. I had a lot of insecurities. I was teased because I didn’t fit the definition of what beauty looked like. We all have some type of insecurity that we are wrestling with.

It took me a long time to learn how to manage my insecurities and how not to allow them to dictate the kind of life I would live. My self-confidence increased when I began to love the person I was, and then others began to notice that I had standards regarding how I was to be treated and loved. I learned an important lesson early on – we end up telling people how to treat us and how valuable we are, based on how we treat and value ourselves.

We are our first love. We must learn to see our beauty before expecting others to see it. When we meet a man, we tell him how we expect to be treated and how valuable we are by how we value and treat ourselves.

Who Are You?

A crucial part in attracting a Godly man is you knowing who you are. The way to know who you are is by getting to know the person who created you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to get around this step. I started comparing it to having a new phone or a new car. We want the latest and up to date gadgets. We walk around with them unaware of their full potential. Unless you take the time to read the manuals, watch a video, or ask the professionals, you will never reap all the advantages of having the most technologically advanced phone or car.

So, unless you spend time with your maker, getting to know how you were created and what you were created to do, you will never know your full potential. If you don’t know your full potential, you are selling yourself short in your relationships. Don’t you think you have more potential than a new phone or car? So, take some time. Read your manual, read the Bible, get to know God. Understand why He made you and discover the amazing things you can do.

The best time to get to know yourself and discover your full potential is when you are single. Relationships are great, but they can cloud our judgment and distract us from our core purpose. We can use a relationship to hide from reality and avoid discovering who we truly are. When that happens, we look to our partner for validation, asking questions like, “Do you think I’m pretty? Do you think I’m talented? What do you think my gifts and talents are? Do you believe in me? Do you think I’m valuable?” We find ourselves desperately looking for answers from someone else when we should find those answers within ourselves.

When you don’t know who you are in a relationship, you become an accessory to your partner’s dreams and visions. You become a part of their journey, whether you want to or not. You become a tag-along, an extra, a bonus—but you are an asset on your own! You have dreams and aspirations. You are worth more than just following someone else’s dreams. You should take the time to dream your dreams and discover what God has in store for you. God has a divine purpose for you. You want to be a whole person and bring value to any relationship you are in, because you know who you are, have a life vision, and understand God’s purpose for your life.

Take a few minutes to answer the questions below truthfully. Use more than “yes” or “no” answers. Give an honest statement for each question you are asking yourself.

How have you taken the time to understand your real essence as a woman?

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

What is your value in a relationship?

This feature was submitted by Emmanuela P. Rodenberg

Emmanuela is a certified relationship and dating expert –as well as a Les Brown trained international speaker with a degree in psychology and mass Communications. She is also an Amazon best selling author of the highly acclaimed book How to Attract a Godly Husband. Her book and relationship insights have helped countless individuals as well as couples. Emmanuela is passionate about helping women discover who they are so they can attract the right kind of love into their lives. Emmanuela is happily married and has two daughters. To contact her, visit or email

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