For nearly two decades, Mariah Carey kept a secret from the public and now she is opening up to set herself free.

In an upcoming issue for People, Carey opens up about her battle with bipolar II disorder and just why she kept it under wraps. The singer was diagnosed back in 2001 when she was hospitalized for a mental and physical breakdown.

Mariah Carey shares,

“I was so terrified of losing everything I convinced
myself the only way to deal with this was to not deal with this.”

Mariah says she is now in therapy and taking medication to manage the disorder. At one point, Mariah thought she suffered from a severe sleep disorder but later learned it was actually stemmed from her bipolar II disorder.

“It wasn’t normal insomnia and I wasn’t lying awake counting sheep. I was working and working and working. I thought working and promoting for days in a row without sleeping was just part of my life. I was irritable and in constant fear of letting people down. It turns out that I was experiencing a form of mania. Eventually I would just hit a wall. I guess my depressive episodes were characterized by having very low energy. I would feel so lonely and sad—even guilty that I wasn’t doing what I needed to be doing for my career.”

Carey also adds that she was inspired to tell her story after seeing celebrities such as Dwayne Johnson, Lady Gaga, Kevin Love, and Pete Davidson open up about their mental illness.

Mariah Carey opens up more on her battle in the upcoming issue of People which hits stands this Friday, April 13th.

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