Jack A. Daniels is bringing an all-new docuseries to A&E Network’s FYI on December 8th titled #BlackLove along with dating coach and author Donna Hoffman. Audience will follow five African-American women as they look for love in New York, and see what mistakes these women are making as they look for their soulmates. Daniels, King of Breakthroughs, is a relationship therapist and bestselling author that is known for his outstanding work to help people find love no matter what their situation is. Daniels is hard at work preparing his next book, and working with his wife, his soulmate, with their workshop titled Godfidence. Daniels is helping people across the country find love, and overcome the idea that they must marry a fairytale love.
SM: While filming #BlackLove, did you learn anything from either the women or making docuseries?
Daniels: I’ve done a lot of work with women, in terms of coaching and counseling, I’ve literally coached over 100 individuals over the course of the years. In terms of learning, it confirmed what I already knew, which is black women are beautiful, and have so many attributes that are sometimes taken for granted. Sometimes when you can’t even see the beauty of yourself you find it hard to actually portray that, if you don’t hear or see this is who I am or if you don’t see yourself in that way. The biggest lesson was confirmation of how much beauty is inside each of the ladies that participated in the workshop. They were able to see and find themselves, which helped them find love.
SM: What problems will audience see these five women go through on the show?
Daniels: I think it will be a variety of issues, not just issues, but challenges that women face everyday. From being intelligent, beautiful, driven, career oriented, successful, but still missing that one thing, which is love. You being able to see yourself in one of the ladies in the show will be easy. If you don’t see yourself in one of these women, I don’t know if you can call yourself a woman (laughs). They try to balance the day-to-day lifestyles with kids, divorce, starting a new job and still trying to go out and date. You will relate to one or two of the women.
SM: How did you get your start in therapy?
Daniels: By accident actually (laughs)! Someone dared me to write a column, and I sent it to a newspaper and they published it. They called me back and said, ‘we loved it can we have another one?’ I was like ‘I’m not a writer.’ So I ended up writing another one, and then they asked again, now my third one they put me in both newspapers, so now I’m syndicated all of a sudden. They called me and said ‘you’re a really good writer we want these on a weekly basis’ and I said ‘dude I’m not a writer’. Then he said we’ll pay you… I said ‘well I can write a little something.’ In six months I was in 57 newspapers. It was titled “For the Fellas”, and it was just about relationships seen from the eyes of men.
From that it spawned into me writing a book The Man’s Handbook For Choosing the Right Woman it was just about understanding our relationship roster and what makes men afraid to settle down. One day, a woman came up to me and said, ‘I need help and I think you’re the person to help me.’ I was like ‘ma’am that’s not what I do.’ Then she said, ‘I’ll pay you.’ I said, ‘WELL!’ She was my first coaching client, a high level executive for a very distinguished Fortune 100 Company. She passed me to two of her friends, and I helped her really fast like 2 days. From politicians, entertainers, and business executives passing me around like a hot potato. I went back to school to understand this craft I wanted to study, and that’s where counseling came from. Four books later I have 5 best sellers under my belt, and here we are today!
SM: What pushed you to write these columns for the newspaper?
Daniels: It was actually my chance to vent. I went through a horrible divorce, my wife left me, because we had trouble having children. We had three miscarriages, and she didn’t want to come home to what reminded her of what she couldn’t have. As a man, that just really hurt me. I found myself in a hole, and I wanted to find myself. I tapped into an outlet of expressing myself, and I started having a men’s group, and these men had all of these expressions they wanted to let out.
SM: What is the best way for people to move on or let go?
Daniels: You’ll never be able to unlock your history. Everything starts with a story and everyone has a story we are authors of. We love in accordance to those stories. We try to modify our cognitions or feelings without addressing their story. You have an ideal relationship and have a fairytale in mind, and someone else has a story where you are partners and in business. Those two stories do not gel up and in the future, there will be a hard time adjusting to the other. We try to confirm what we believe about our stories, which is confirmation bias, so we go to great lengths to ignore inconsistent information.
Holding onto, ‘I can make it work, or he’s/she’s the one you,’ forget and negate inconsistent information that is shown in signs, behavior and every nuance and they forget and keep going down the spiraling path of disappointment. Learn to rescript and change your story. I have found my soulmate now so you have to be able to shift your own story.
SM: You said you found your soulmate. What is love to you and how do you know you found your soulmate?
Daniels: Love is different for everyone. It’s defined different for men… direct opposite of selfishness, and we understand that because we don’t have a nurturing bone in our bodies. So not to say we can’t be nurturing and loving, but we have to work. Love is the epitome of seeing myself in my soul mate, and not being afraid or disappointed, hurt or alarmed. I want to be totally embraced by someone who can see me, accept me, and not make any apologies for who I am. Love me and understand me like no one on the face of this planet can. That’s love. That’s what I have in my wife!