There once was a time when you were seen just about everywhere together—from company gatherings to weekend get-togethers, if your friend was there, so were you. They were the first to hear about your good news, or your man problems, your hopes, your fears and what made you happy. Being two peas in a pod was the perfect way to describe your relationship—that is, until one of the peas fell out.
Many women can relate to a friendship as tight as the one described above. The feeling of connectedness that it can bring can add balance and joy to one’s life—but what happens when that connection is broken, and out of nowhere, the friendship that was once bustling with energy, now lacks the substance, trust, and sisterhood that drew you two close in the first place?
Friends sometimes fall out over the silliest of things and eventually, they just let it ride and call a truce. Sometimes a friendship will begin to wane when one friend experiences a life-changing event: a marriage, the birth of a child, a new job, losing weight, coming into extra money or a lack of it. How stable was the friendship when life and the circumstances in it, change the way your friend sees you and in turn, changes the way they see themselves in relation to you? It’s not so much that the friendship lacked stability, but more-so, it lacked the ability to adapt to the newness that one friend brought into the dynamic of the relationship.
If you have a friendship that has felt different ever since you had something new occur in your life, it’s probably more of a reflection of the way your friend feels about the event or thing, rather than it being a reflection of how she feels about you. Sometimes the good stuff that comes out your life—brings up the bad stuff in someone else’s. Your new boyfriend that you love to gush over, may, in fact, remind your friend of the fact that she can’t find anyone to make her happy. The new baby that just blessed you and your family, may bring up emotions of envy and inadequacy in a friend who wants children but is struggling—or one who doesn’t have a fulfilling relationship to begin with.
When you notice a rift in the way a particular friend is communicating with you, or you feel that the energy has shifted—tell them. Go to them through love first, and let them know that you’ve noticed a change. If there’s something you can help them through, they’ll be honest and tell you. They may even be relieved that you acknowledged their feelings. On the other hand, some friendships die off because other people simply cannot handle who you are anymore—your newness brings out too much of their oldness so to speak. When this happens, do not blame yourself. Do not push, do not criticize—simply, let them go. This can be a painful process when you were expecting them to be happy for you, or support you in some way. The truth is, being your friend may start causing them more pain than the joy it used to bring—again, let it go. When the time is right, if ever, they’ll reach out to you again—if they don’t, that’s okay too, just know that people arrive in different places of understanding at different times. To no fault of yours or theirs, people are going to feel, respond, and act, according to where they currently are. All is not lost, you live, you learn, and you move on.
Desirae L. Benson is a writer, content editor, magazine columnist, and entertainment media host based on the west coast. She hosts her own show featuring four different segments with celebrities, musicians, and people of prominence. To find out more, visit her on Facebook and IG by using @DesiraeBBB
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