Shift One: Understand Your Identity
Simply put, you have to know who you are regardless of the misconceptions others have of you.
Shift Two: Forgive Yourself
We all have things in our dating past that we’re ashamed of, right? Whether it was staying with someone who treated you badly or maybe even someone who cheated on you. I’m guilty of both! You owe it to yourself to date men who care about you without feeling embarrassed of your past or afraid to share it with someone.
Shift Three: Keep An Open Mind
We are all guilty of being narrow in our thoughts and patterns at times, but in order to keep an open mind you have to revolutionize the way you think about yourself, relationships and love. Maintain a “yes posture” and embrace diversity.
Shift Four: Keep An Open Heart
I know you’re thinking, how do I remain open to love and also guard my heart? Don’t judge someone based on a preconceived notion of who might be right for you. Honor a genuine connection, let yourself get to know the other person, and see what happens. By living with an open heart, you may just find a partner who’s surprisingly perfect for you.
Shift Five: Cut Out All Negativity
I know it’s tempting to point the finger at your last ten lousy dates and say, “see, I told you there aren’t any good men out there!” But this is missing the point. It begins with you! Are you loving and kind to yourself and others? Do you set appropriate boundaries, honor your word, and live with integrity? By behaving with integrity and self-love, your dates will respond in kind. Also, evaluate the people around you and their influence on your ability to find love.
Shift Six: Be Flexible
We all have fantasies and wish lists. That’s what it means to be human, but it’s important to come to grips with the fact that you’re going to have to be flexible on more than a few of those fantasy items. If you’re out on the dating scene and you’re not getting the response you want, consider shifting a few things.
Shift Seven: Face Fear and Doubt
Believe with every fiber in your body that you deserve a “real” relationship. You have to overcome your fears of dating and defeat the attitude of not being enough. You have to replace any limiting beliefs blocking you from experiencing real love with positive affirmations like: “I’m worthy of real, authentic love.”
Shift Eight: Stop Playing Games
You have got to stop playing mind games and thinking that you will somehow win someone over with manipulation! We’re often told: Don’t be the first to call, say I love you, or express any sense of emotional neediness. And wait at least three days after an interaction to initiate contact, etc. And I get it! I’ve been there! This is about self-protection and not exposing yourself to possible rejection. The problem with that is that partnership and love are built on a foundation of being capable of emotional vulnerability.
Shift Nine: Learn To Trust Yourself
A lot of us have developed trust issues with the opposite sex not because they have given us a reason not to trust them, but because we no longer trust our own ability to choose right. We don’t trust our own judgement! The ability to trust yourself and trust others actually comes from having your eyes and ears open to processing feedback, so pay attention.
Shift Ten: Identify Your Relationship Goals
Decide what you want from your relationships, long term. Write this down! Develop a mental image of where you want to be relationally when you are 30, 40, 50 and beyond. What relational legacy do you want to leave? Then set dating goals to make this outcome most likely to occur.