It is so important to love yourself. There are so many women who find themselves in relationships that have become toxic for them and they do not know how to leave the relationship. Some hang on to these bad relationships because they feel they have history with the person and therefore fear starting over with someone who could very well love and treat them the way they deserve to be treated. To know how to be loved properly, one must first learn how to love and enjoy themselves. Learn what you like and what you do not like and this comes from spending time alone with yourself. However what you find is that many depart relationships and dive right into the next or immediately start dating someone new before giving themselves the right amount of time to heal from the last relationship. It’s okay to be single and it’s okay to start over until you discover the person that is right for you. It’s time out for women staying with a man just because they have history and kids with them. If he is abusing you whether verbally or physically, you have to do what is best for yourself and more importantly your kids. There is something beautiful about a fresh start, it’s like traveling to a place you have never seen before. When you start over, you travel to a deeper place within yourself to learn parts of you that you never knew existed and you can choose how you want to be loved and never let anyone come in that will treat you any less than that. You choose how a person will treat you by what you allow them to continuously do.
Author of the new novel “Lust Now, Cry Later,” Tahanee Sayidd is on a mission to bring awareness to the cycles of toxic relationships, low self-esteem and the mindset that often plagues those growing up in poor environments. She also covers all factors that lead to women getting involved with the wrong men and ignoring the warning signs that are costing them their lives.
As a relationship columnist, she offers women logical resolutions, methods, and suggestions to accomplish positive outcomes in their relationships. She wrote “Lust Now, Cry Later” as a cautionary tale, probing women to become more aware of their surroundings, who they interact with in their personal lives and to encourage victims to speak out and seek help.
What inspired the title for your book and what is the focus of your book?
The toxic relationships we as women become involved in when we don’t see ourselves worthy of being loved and in healthy relationships. Sometimes we think from a physical aspect opposed to mental and emotional. I wanted for people to realize that the foundation of love derives from our upbringing and if we do not address the issues we are trying to hide and turn the blind eye on then we can cause ourselves more pain later. The book focuses on the lives of two colored American women who have both suffered child abuse on a physical and emotional level causing one to become an abuser in her relationship and the other a victim in her relationship.
Why do you think women stay in toxic relationships or marriages?
Because of the lack of love they have for themselves and the lack of understanding of what love is.
What are just a few red flags that women can identify about a guy who is potentially bad for them?
Verbal abuse (putting her down and making her feel less than) control (being possessive and playing dictator of her life) physical abuse (causing physical harm to them) and addictive personality traits (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc).
How important is self-love and self-care?
It’s the blueprint and the two key essential things for a successful and peaceful life.
How can women get positive outcomes in their relationships?
By falling in love with themselves and understanding the foundation of what love is built. Women need to make sure that their spouse also share the same beliefs they have as well.
Do you think most women are way to focus on getting the ring or a title more than on the condition of their relationship?
We as women have been conditioned as little girls to believe that if we do not have the white picket fence, a husband and child by a certain age then we aren’t successful and incapable of giving and receiving love.
Why do you feel women find themselves stuck dating the potential of a man rather than accepting what he is showing her?
Because they fear being alone. Women have adopted the belief that they aren’t whole until they have met a man to complete them. So the feeling of being incomplete is what keeps them holding on to something that is toxic and potentially dangerous.
Why do you feel so many women suffer from low self esteem?
Because they have not addressed the issues that have devastated them at a young age due to being silenced by their elders and because they don’t have the full understanding of what love is.
Queens, get back to loving yourself and do not be afraid to walk away from what is doing you more harm than good.
For more information on Author Tahanee Sayyid & her latest book “Lust Now, Cry Later” please click here!
All images courtesy of Tahanee Sayyid