It wouldn’t be spooky season if we didn’t talk about horror films and those “unlucky” people who always get killed because they didn’t listen to the crazy woman with the cats.

So today, I’m the crazy cat lady and I’m here to help you survive in a horror film. I’m sure you might be thinking, “It’s easy to survive, just kill the killer.” With that mindset, you might be the first person to… you know… check out.

However, have no fear. Here’s my guide of things not to do in a horror film, so that you could survive and sell your story for millions. Of course, I’d like 40% of your earnings, but the main thing is that you’ll be alive.

Do NOT go “check it out.”

Here’s my issue with people who like to explore and be curious while there’s a killer on the loose: you’re aware that there’s a killer on the loose. If the house on the hill is where the killer grew up, do you not think he’d not come back? Do you think he actually left in the first place?

Do NOT split up

Some people really think splitting up is the perfect idea when running away from a killer… but it’s not. The killer is not as stupid as you think he is. He knows the area better than a bunch of teenagers who decided to visit the area to “relax.”

Do NOT trip over air/ leave those who fall

How could you possibly trip over oxygen? Yes, you’re running for your life but if there’s nothing solid in front of you, why are you tripping? We are all aware of those people who trip over NOTHING and can’t seem to get back up. Leave them and don’t look back.

Do NOT turn your back on the killer/ he’s not dead

In horror films, the characters are always under the impression that the killer is dead after they pushed them out of a building or in a lake. This is when they’d put their object down, turn their backs, cry etc… while the killer is already standing behind them. These killers obviously have been in the game for a while, which means they’ve been pushed out of buildings hundreds of times. Do not get comfortable, not even when he looks like he’s dead. He’ll be back in a few years; you can’t kill him.

Hopefully this guide allowed you to see how common sense could literally save your life. Although this Halloween is different from what we’re used to, remember to have fun but also follow the COVID-19 guidelines.