Three hundred and seventy-two days— the exact time you have been in your relationship, and one thing you have learned is that although your partner loves you, they have a side to them that confuses you from time to time. I mean they keep you wondering whether they love you just as much as you love them …or worse, are they going to leave you. Yet, you tell yourself you deserve better, and you do. But do you know why your partner acts the way he or she does? One minute they are snuggling up to you like it is a winter storm outside, and the next minute they barely want you around them. It’s enough to make a sane person crazy. You doubt yourself at times and doubt whether their love is true. I mean, you love their bold and confident personality, but something is not right. When they get into that mood of theirs, they give you that take-or-leave attitude really quick. Not cool. The more you want to talk about their behavior or just your feelings and needs, the further they push you away. Do they want you or not? You know it is going to take a whole lot of convincing you otherwise because, at this stage in your relationship, you just don’t have a clue what’s going on. You’ve tried talking to them about your feelings in the past, but it’s accomplished nothing. Talking about their behavior again will only cause them to turn a deaf ear to your fears and concerns, a mechanism which I am sure you are very familiar with by now.
You are not like your partner; you want more of their time. In fact, you feel you deserve their time, but they are not the type to want that type of a relationship. You find yourself asking, if not begging, for them to talk to you. This not only hurts you, but you are starting to push away and act out in ways that forces your partner to pay you more attention. The last thing you want to do is walk away from your partner, but if they don’t show you more attention that’s just what you are thinking about doing. Face it; they are forcing the drama, not you.
When you are dealing with a dismissive avoidant personality, it can be difficult because this type of personality, when it comes to love and being in a relationship, is hands-off. They have no trouble letting you know—if not showing you— that they, my dear, do not need you like you need them. Here is that take-it-or-leave-it attitude in your face that the dismissive avoidant loves demonstrating. If you are worried about getting your feelings hurt and your heart stepped on, the dismissive avoidant has no trouble issuing such blows. They are great at taking the lead when it comes to anything, but love. Their confidence is through the roof, but they are not going to put their hearts on full display no matter how long you’ve been together. The dismissive avoidant feels that they don’t need anyone because they deem themselves to be the most important person in the world. Sure, the dismissive avoidant personality when it comes to love can demonstrate a side of affection that will blow your mind, but that’s not the space they tend to operate in for long. Many of their relationships fall apart because their partner feels unloved and unappreciated. If you are the type who loves to be under your partner every chance you get, you are sure to feel as if you are wasting your time when in a relationship with the dismissive avoidant type.
Here is where couples find themselves struggling in their relationship for their partner’s time and attention. You are not going to win over the heart of your dismissive avoidant lover or partner by exhibiting needy behavior or worse expecting them to express their feelings to you. They are not trying to get hurt, especially when it comes to love. It’s a better-you-than-me type of situation when dealing with the dismissive avoidant personality type. I get it, you want to make the relationship work with them, but you need them to do more and show you more of how they feel if it’s going to work out. This is not going to happen. I mean you may get a little bit more attention when you push but not what you really want. It’s not that the dismissive avoidant personality type doesn’t love their partners. No they just make it plain and clear that they don’t need you or anyone to keep them happy.
If you know anything about the dismissive avoidant personality, you should already know that they may have had very little contact with their caretaker and learned early on how to “do for themselves” to avoid disappointment. Their take-charge attitude and confidence are eye catching for sure in the office, but in a relationship they can be a disappointment. They’re always on the go and have a careless attitude when it comes to how their partner may be feeling. In fact, the dismissive avoidant personality can be a bit harsh when it comes to telling you what is exactly on their mind, especially if it’s not what you were prepared to hear.
If you are in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant personality type, you must try to understand them and not seek to change them. Allow yourself to learn from their confidence and independent attitude. Relationships with dismissive avoidant personalities can work when you seek to change yourself and not your partner. This does not mean you should change who you are, but trust that being in a relationship with the dismissive avoidant personality will push you to better yourself and take charge of your feelings. In the end, you can have a healthy relationship with the dismissive avoidant personality. Just be willing to not expect them to pour their heart out to you. Knowing where you stand is the key to a healthy relationship with the dismissive avoidant personality.