If you’re in the cannabis world, you’ve probably seen Madzilla on Instagram. Originally born in Oregon but now settled in the heart of Los Angeles, Madzilla is a beautifully tattooed model, influencer, recording artist, entrepreneur, and mother, someone who lives life to the fullest and lights up any room she walks into.

Madzilla’s first ever music video was for Snoop Dogg and Wiz Khalifa’s “French Inhale,” where she had to learn how to french inhale on the spot. To date, she’s done music videos for Post Malone, Ty Dolla $ign, Major Lazer, and most recently Ab-Soul’s “GOTTA RAP.”

Fast forward to today, Madzilla is focused more than ever on her own artistry, releasing her own music as an independent artist. When she’s not working, she’s focused on being a mother to her son Kaydo.

On the 52nd episode of Shirley’s Temple, I sat with Madzilla to discuss her love for music, partying as a mom, journey with mental health and losing both her parents, getting pregnant at 30 and her son changing her life, doing Ab-Soul’s music video, her stripper days, and more!

Where are you from originally?

I was born in Oregon. I used to live in Colorado and I used to live in Washington. I was born in the wilderness, that’s why I’m a new age hippie.

How are you liking living in LA?

I’ve been in Hollywood for 9 years, but I grew up in Orange County/Long Beach. It’s in Hollywood. I just work, mom life and work life. 

I know you got some new Madzilla merch, right? 

Yeah, I’m working on some new stuff right now. I’m revamping the website.

Sometimes I’ll drop shit, sometimes I’ll take a break. I like when it’s a surprise sometimes. Like dang, she hasn’t dropped anything for a while, then bam! 

Have you always been doing music too?

I’ve been making music for 8 years, but on the low. Super low. I got 4 projects ready to go, hundreds of songs. I dropped my first song last year, so I only got 3 songs and 3 videos. You know, independent. I’ll support myself. I don’t need no labels okay. Not yet. [laughs]

You rap?

I started off rapping. Now, I do a rap/sing. I like some rock music. I got some vibey music, some rap singing. Tryna tap in. Can’t really sing sing, but hit a couple little notes here. I love making music though, it’s really therapy for me. Music is amazing. Once I got in the studio, because I wanted to be a DJ. I still want to DJ. I’m really going to learn and go crazy. I’m about to be outside, DJing and going nuts. I just love music. 

I used to want to DJ too.

Right? Gotta do it. I don’t care if I’m 40, I want to be DJing with my sunglasses on. I’m gonna look good as fuck, I’ma be lit. Littest bitch in the fucking party.

Are you usually? 

Yeah, I get the party started for sure. I’m a good time. I’m a fun time. We gotta party soon.

What does partying for Madzilla look like?

It looks like a good ass fucking time. Just good vibes, lit. I make sure everyone has fun. Everyone’s getting drunk, everyone’s getting high. We’re getting lit. 

Is it ever too much on your body? 

Hell yeah! I’ll be 34 next month, I am hurting okay. [laughs] A bitch’s hangover is serious nowadays. I’ll take my little breaks. Once a year, I’ll do 3 months sober. 30 days, get your 30 days in there every once in a while. 

Is it hard partying when you’re also a mom?

Well, during the week, I don’t party at all. Then when my son’s with his dad, I fucking turn up. That day when I have to get him back, I might be a little hungover, because I’m in the studio late today. I don’t really even party a lot anymore. I really don’t go out that much, I’d rather be in the studio. I’ll go out here and there, if it’s somebody’s birthday.  Once I start drinking, I’ll be up. Lit. 

How does smoking weed help you be a better mom?

People that don’t smoke, they don’t really know. For me, it really helps with my nerves and calms me down. I’m more carefree, it helps a lot. If I overdo it, that’s bad, because then I get paranoid. I can’t smoke too much, I only got to hit it once or twice and I’m good. I’m in a good mood. Do you want to play with cars? Let’s do it! Let’s go to the park. Wanna go to Universal Studios? I be high as fuck, it’s a good time. I love being a mom. Big MILF gang in this bitch!

How old were you when you had your kid?

His birthday is three weeks before mine. He’s April 6th, I’m April 28th. I just turned 30 when I had him. He’s just turned 4, and I’m 34. It’s weird, everyone in my family is born in April. My mom, my dad, I was born my dad’s birthday. I have his picture right here [points at tattoo], 4/28 which is crazy.  My son was born on the same day my dad died. Isn’t that crazy? It’s deep.

Shirley’s Temple has to focus on mental health. I want to commend you because you’re a role model. From where you came from, a lot of people don’t make it here. 

Appreciate it forreal, because it has been hard. I’m not gonna lie, it’s been really hard, but that’s why I’m trying to set the example for the younger generation. I started doing modeling and all this stuff for fun really. I seen what I could do with it and the impact I could have, and I never gave up on my dreams. Working a regular job ain’t for me. I knew since I was little I was going to do something bigger with my life, and I still can’t even touch what I want to do yet.

Going through what I’ve been through, I lost both my parents by the time I was 20. It was hard, but it made me a stronger woman. It made me have a story to tell people. It’s not just “oh she’s hot and got ass and titties.” No, I’ve really been through some shit. I grew up poor as fuck, broke as fuck. 

Losing a parent can lead to lasting damage to mental health as well as serious consequences such as substance misuse and increased risk of suicidal ideation. What is your journey with mental health? 

Man, it’s been a fucking journey for sure. I’m very big on mental health too. I had to dig deep within myself when I was younger. I went through a lot. I was suicidal.  I really had moments where I’d get in this deep, dark depression. It takes a split second for somebody when they’re in that moment to make a fucked up decision, and that’s the scary part. 

I gotta be strong to help other people too, and share my story more. A lot of people that have lost a loved one or a parent, especially when you lose your parents, it’s super fucking hard. Growing up from being 20 years old, every decision I made was on my own. I didn’t have anybody to disappoint, nobody I could call. It was crazy making all the decisions on your own. That’s part of why I chose to get this tattooed, be a little bit out there and do the things that I do. Because why not? Why not push the boundary and live life how you want to live it?  

I really started getting into reading a lot of self-help books. I’ll look at podcasts, anything to get my mindset better and stronger. That shit really does help. When my friends are going through hard stuff, I might send them a little YouTube clip or something they can read. Just to remind you, it’s all good. I’m big on that. Even shrooms, that’s why I started doing shrooms. That opened up my mind more, seeing the bigger picture of things and appreciating life for what it is. Seeing the beauty out of everything. I’m really a positive person. I choose to be this way. I had to condition myself to be this way. Because when I was younger, I was angry. I was a fucking asshole. I was ready to fight everybody. I was really angry, and that stems from losing my parents and being a tomboy. Fuck life, I really didn’t give a fuck. My son definitely did a lot for me mentally, because I could party. I be outside.

Was the son unintentional? 

No. I knew his dad for a while. We weren’t really close friends, but we knew each other for 10 years. Had similar friends. We hooked up a couple of times and I got pregnant. Only two times literally, and I got pregnant. It was crazy. 

What was going through your mind?

A lot. I’m like, what the fuck? But honestly, his parents made it easy for me. I only met them one time and I told them I was pregnant. They’re like, “Well, we’re here to support you no matter what. We’re gonna help you take care of the baby, I don’t care if he’s in your life or not.” Say less! Having his side of the family support like that made it way easier. 

That’s a blessing!

It really is. I was turning 30. I told his dad look, I’ma raise this kid with or without us. Either you’re going to be involved or not. I had an abortion when I was younger, I’m not about to do that again. It’s a blessing for real. I took the risk, and I’m so happy I did. My son is the best thing ever to me, I really love him so much. He’s my best friend for real. He’s cool. He’s the life of the party, he’s friendly as fuck. He’ll come up to everyone, give everyone a hug. He’s a little star for sure. 

Was there a part of you that was scared to become a mom? 

Hell yeah. Damn, I was panicking. It was weird. I felt like an alien, even when I was pregnant. This is crazy, there’s a human inside of me. Because I am kind of a tomboy. I’m girly, but there’s parts of me where I’m like whoa. Okay. As soon as you have that baby, mom mode turns on. There’s no going back, gotta roll with the punches.

Postpartum depression is real too. You don’t realize that you have that shit until way later. I look back like damn, I was acting crazy. I was stressed out, crying, happy, acting like a psycho. 

How long does it last? 

It could last a long time for some people. I heard it could last up to 8 months after, but for me it was a couple months. I didn’t realize it. You have crazy thoughts like can I really do this? You’re off no sleep. You start hallucinating, your body’s fucking going through all this shit. It’s hard as fuck. Everyone’s like, “I want to have kids.” Not yet. [laughs] Just wait. Go travel.

How was it being a stripper?

It was fucking fun. It was awesome, I was shaking ass and making cash. I had that whole shit lit as fuck! My stripper name was Melrose. When I first started dancing, I worked at this other club for a couple months. There was this badass bitch and her name was Melrose. I went to a new club, I’m like that’s gonna be my name. Melrose is hard. I just liked the name too, but she was bad as fuck. 

What’s the most you made in a night?

That’s a good question.  I used to go to Vegas on the weekends sometimes, so I probably made 5 bands in one night. But I wasn’t doing all the extras. I knew bitches making $10K, $15K, $20K. 

Talk about doing Ab-Soul’s “GOTTA RAP” video. 

That shit was hard. My friend DJs for him so he invited me to his album listening party. He was hella cool. I met him that one time, we followed each other on Instagram. He hit me up recently like “you want to be my video?” Fuck yeah I want to be your video! I brought Kaydo with me, it was cute to have him on set for a second. 

It was a sick ass video, he had all the tricks out. He had motherfuckers doing wheelies on quads, he had all the Harley Davidsons. We went to 5 locations. Big big crew. I pulled up like damn! This is what video sets are supposed to look like. It was super fun. It was dope. I’ve done a couple of cool ones.