I can’t tell you or express the day I went into my first session at a therapy office. I was pretty intensive because I was living in a Caribbean home and raised by a Caribbean woman. There was always the rule “keep our business in our house.” For me, that was still the rule cause for me being too comfortable, which meant my mouth would always get me in trouble.” But to think of when you have absolutely no one to talk to who else can you speak to yourself? I already started to do that at a young age, to be honest., yes, I entered into the world of getting help due to my outburst of frustration, tears, depression, and anger that’s been building inside for YEARS.
Fortunately, this is where I found my therapist.
Every Friday after my classes and the university I was attended on the same campus, it was easy to access but, honestly, it wasn’t easy to access emotionally.
My former therapist had allowed me to express my feeling about current situations. I can say it was a mess. My personality and explaining things don’t go well, especially if I’m already emotional. There’s no turning back. As a Libra, I’m not apologizing for my emotions. Not only did I go, but I also had a sense of comfort and Freedom until not just I had some sessions of hearing me since no one heard without any complications.
There was a part where other parties had to get involved and say their peace NOW knowing me other people’s perceptions of you means a lot and hurts you tremendously, especially those who always see the bad, negative parts of you and dismissed you. For me finding out not only I wasn’t just said because I was sad and attached to my bed due to my depression and anxiety, which I know that I’ve been dealing for as long as I could remember. And I mean from middle school until now. My atmosphere has always tainted with anger and distress and short-lived happiness, and I mean short-lived.
Once I left the country, I was given my psychology assessment from my therapist, I kept it, and it gives me an understanding. Still, it gives me resentment due to another person(s) perception of me either they believe it or not. It’s on my file. I left, and emotionally I’m very fragile and angrier as ever and frustrated due to my age and knowing I’m behind and the reinsurance isn’t genuine and lonely is unbearable. Different cultures, Different rules, and if anyone knows me to change, isn’t my friend and always be a trigger, and it takes me longer, especially to adapt.