You have been married, or in a relationship, for a few decades. Your relationship has surely had a few hiccups along the way, but it’s bounced back like it always has. Lately, however, you are withdrawn and not giving as much of yourself to your partner like you used to. Burnt out? Maybe or could it be you have just come to the end of needing anything from your partner. Your need for your partner’s time and love is deteriorating and fast. Maybe the feelings are mutual, and you are both giving less of yourself with each passing day. Is this what happy relationships are made of?

Your goods are far, and you find yourself wanting to be alone because you just do not need your partner anymore, nor do you long for their loving touch. When you are together, you would rather interact more like best friends than lovers. Your partner is at a loss for words because you are not letting them in. You have watched your behaviors change over time, and your avoidance of your partner’s sexual needs increase. It’s clear you or your partner is being emotionally and sexually starved. This is not a healthy relationship.

Do you want your relationship to work or not? Could you or your partner say more or do more to change the behaviors causing your unhappiness? When you no longer want to see your partner happy, it means you are not present in the relationship. Is it fair to your partner that your needs, wants, and desires for them have changed or worse become nonexistent? It is clear there is some unforgiveness or even resentment in the air. No relationship is easy, and they all take work and the ability to give yourself to another freely. There is no room for setting boundaries in a healthy relationship. When you are unhappy, boundaries become extremely important.

If you are not getting what you need, why on earth are you staying in the relationship? Emotionally and sexually starved relationships don’t last., They cause more hurt and harm than just letting your partner know that you are no longer happy and wish to go your separate ways. However, if you won’t let go and walk away, it’s your partner’s responsibility to end it all if they are not getting what they need. That’s being in a healthy relationship where their needs are always met.

Many times, people find ways to stay in unhappy conditions even though they hurt and are in pain. It is all they know, and the thought of starting over with someone new is uncomfortable. Is this true for you? The truth is you should never stay in an emotionally and sexually starved relationship because it’s all you know; it is not healthy. Know your worth and that you are deserving of love and much more. Do you feel you deserve to be treated in such a way by your partner because you were not there for them earlier in the relationship? Somewhere the cycle must stop. If needs are not being met, the relationship is not growing; this you both know

However, no one wants to live in a one-sided relationship or feel alone while lying next to their sufficient other. If you no longer want to stay in your relationship, the best thing you can do is let your partner know how you feel. That way, he or she can make the decision to stay or leave. If you no longer love your partner or have grown apart, let them know. Stop wasting time. It is unfair to your partner to leave them in the dark while you figure out if you want them in your life. Set them free or give them the right to decide.

Sure, many relationships go through a stage where it seems one, if not both partners, outgrow the need for the other and must then reinvent the love they once had. This can be due to illness or simply not making time for each other, which can be corrected. Let me be clear, all relationships have moments where things are not on the best of terms or even worse falling apart due to past issues and/or arguments. Words said and those hidden feelings of resentment towards your partner for such encounters can change how your partner feels about and sees you.

If this is the case and you have found yourself in a position where you are unable to let go of the past because of something your partner has done or said to you, now may be the time to seek professional help. There are times where you think and feel you are over a negative situation when really you are not. Your resentment over the situation creeps up in the relationship causing a flood of feelings that set in motion an array of awkward behaviors as well as communication issues. These can ultimately block one’s ability to communicate their needs to their partner. It is your responsibility to do everything in your power to make your relationship work; giving up is not an option if you are striving for a healthy relationship nor is placing blame on your partner for past wrongs and refusing to be there for him or her emotionally and sexually.

There is always hope, if you want it, no matter what has taken place in your relationship. So, stop closing the wrong doors in your relationship because you cannot move on. The work that you are unwilling to put into your relationship, someone else will. You and your partner do not have to stay unhappy in an emotionless and sexually dead relationship. It’s not healthy. Be willing to work through your differences, emotions, and feelings to get back to the place that caused you to fall in love in the first place. Stop starving yourself from the emotional support and sexual fulfillment of a loving partner, for goodness sakes. A healthy relationship takes work, and if you both are willing to put in the work to get back to what you once had, go for it. If you want to be happy, letting go of the past is the key. You both deserve to be happy.