Have you ever had an ex-beau randomly pop up when things are going great in your life? You know, when they aren’t even a fourth of a thought and you’ve moved on completely?
Recently I’ve had guys I’ve dated and/or briefly flirted with when bored reach out to me. It’s been happening so consecutively that I’ve been seriously questioning if they’re in cahoots together and I’m being Punk’d.
The first guy, whom we’ll just call Mr. Go-Go, is someone I briefly went to high school with (I transferred after ninth grade). He claims to have had a crush on me then, but only mustered up the courage to tell me years later after finding me on FB. He pops up every so often to “check-in” and update me on his life. He’s always in a different state moving around, but when he talks to me after catching up, he’s always conveniently in town and trying to get me to come over. I’m a lot of things, but clueless isn’t one of them.
Then there’s Mr. Can’t Get Right. We met online about eight or nine years ago, yet we’ve only recently met in person last year. We went on one good date and hung out a few times after (mainly me, him and his daughter which I considered a test) but communication was a problem. Did I mention he lives in Florida? Distance and miscommunication don’t mesh well at all. On top of the fact that he was very closed-minded, unwilling to be vulnerable, and inconsiderate to challenges in my life and the way I have to handle them. Yet he’s the one that pops back the most; He made me question if there was something there, as I took the persistence as a sign; but what I decided is that I could choose him and continue an unhappy path of toxic arguments, questioning, and disregard just to be in a relationship or stop it completely, because I have that power too. Let me tell you, I’d gladly be happily single than to settle for a malfunctioning robot-boy.
Then there’s Courage the COWARDly Dog. May the coward be in all caps, at all times. He’s another guy I met online in 2013, we dated, without an official title, but dated nonetheless. He was my first interracial experience. He has been the worst of them all because the audacity of his actions is flabbergasting. Despite my better judgment, I fell in love with him only to find out that he was married. But the plot thickens, he told me they weren’t together so I asked for her number, she, in turn, asked me to marry him so he wouldn’t get deported back to India after a divorce and so she could move on with her new boyfriend. I wasn’t for it and after a traumatic mental breakdown, I ceased all communication with him. It wasn’t until March of this year that he followed me on Instagram, which was unnecessary because my profile isn’t private. He clearly followed me to be seen. The rearview is smaller than the windshield for a reason.
I must say, I have been surprised that my ex, my very first boyfriend AF A.K.A April’s Fool (his birthday is April 1st) hasn’t popped up. He is another lurker that never comments or likes a picture, but will randomly message me, and it’s usually after my mom has asked about him. His intent is always to question me about what’s new in my life, then “brag” about his dull life. I guess it makes him happy that I’m single, who knows. I’ll never understand why they’re so curious and intrigued with my life when they’ve supposedly moved on and have kids and wives now.
I used to respond to every pop up with the perspective of potential; Maybe he’s changed, maybe we can try again, maybe this time will be different. But all of these relationships have taught me one thing, how to love myself. Now at 31, I know what I will and won’t accept, and I know that going in reverse isn’t an option. Just because they pop up doesn’t mean I have to pick up. So what, they want to catch up, they miss me, or something brought up a memory; that has nothing to do with my now. My now has everything to do with keeping peace with my mind, body, and spirit. I’ve learned to trust my intuition, and if it doesn’t benefit me in a positive manner, why bother? I’ve got greater to do, that’s certainly true!